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He Said; She Said

in Editorial by

Kim Kardashian

Brooks Lalley

If America was a monarchy, Kim Kardashian would be the princess, and when you mess with a princess, the whole world reacts.

Recently, Kardashian came face to face with the greatest of traumas as she was robbed at gunpoint in Paris. Alone in her Paris apartment, as she dreamt of Botox, selfies and Kanye, five armed men broke in and stole around $10 million worth of valuables. As Kardashian pleaded for her life, claiming she had children at home to care for, she didn’t know if she would make it out alive. How shaken Kim Kardashian must have been, I can’t begin to imagine. But the best part about this story is that it’s all true, and because of that, Kardashian has become an American hero.

You see, unlike Ryan Lochte, Kim Kardashian is smart. She knows when to stage things and when not to, and for her to have staged this heist would’ve been poor timing only months after Lochte became the poster child for “people who fake gunpoint robberies” during the Rio Olympic games. This was anything but a staged publicity stunt; no cameras, no glam squad, no entourage, no bodyguard, just Kim Kardashian alone in the world.

She ventured out into the un-Americanized territory of Europe to fulfill the work she had set out to do but her mission was hijacked by five scary men with masks. She may have lost the battle that day (and a ton of jewelry and stuff), but she certainly won the war. The war of heroism; the war of survival. Walking away badly shaken but unharmed, Kardashian left the battlefield of Paris and came home to these great states to be reunited with her family. (Someone please put her in a Marvel movie).

Currently, Kardashian continues to raise her precious children, care for her egotistical husband and rule the world. Thieves might have stolen her jewels, but they didn’t steal her charisma. And for all those evangelical do-gooders who don’t support selfies and believe that Kim Kardashian represents the downfall of American society, Kim just proved that she’s more than just an absent-minded valley girl. This was no Lochte-gate, this was Kim Kardashian stripped of all pride and glamour facing true, real-world adversity.




Ryan Lochte

Alayna Fogarty

In the past few months, much talk has been brought up about two scandals. One, the Rio Olympics and Ryan Lochte scandal and two, the Kim Kardashian robbery. Obviously, Ryan Lochte is the better one out of those scandals. Not only is he a 10 out of 10 in the looks department, he is also an Olympic gold medalist for swimming. Not to rain on anybody’s Kardashian parade, but at least Ryan Lochte did something worthwhile to become famous. Kim Kardashian became famous for doing what? Did she bust her butt to make a swimming career? No. Did she do any hard work (besides her makeup routine) to get to where she is today? No.

Now I’m going to give a quick recap on what happened in Rio for those people who live under a rock. Ryan Lochte was at a gas station in Rio with some swimming buddies and they vandalized a bathroom. I do not know why you would take time out of your life to do that but “you do you.” Lochte said that they got robbed and held at gun point which led to camera footage and annoying Brazilian officers. What Ryan Lochte did in Rio was not all that great, but everybody makes mistakes and everybody has those days. Everybody knows what I’m talking about, everybody gets that way. Yes, he did make a mistake by lying but give the guy a break. Plus, the story was not too badly fabricated. I mean there was a gun on the premises; it was not pointed at him or anywhere near him for that matter, but there was still a gun.

Now for Brooks’s favorite scandal, Kim K! When I think about the Kardashians I just think about drama, drama, drama. I cannot even count the amount of times they have lied, especially Kim K. Therefore I would not be surprised if this whole thing is a lie. If this remains to be true, I would be sad because those insane men could have killed her. I am sorry to say it but she was asking to be robbed. She was wearing over $11 million of jewelry on her. I probably wear $10 earrings and cheap rings that I win out of prize machines. To go along with the jewelry, she also accounts the things she is doing through social media. This is how the thieves found her so easily.

Ryan Lochte is clearly the winner between these two scandals. Also, he is on “Dancing With the Stars,” so that is automatically bonus points. I strongly believe Ryan Lochte has a good heart and didn’t mean for it to turn out the way it did. Kim Kardashian and her whole clan do not care about anybody but themselves. Although Ryan Lochte was not upfront about what happened, Kardashian could be hiding many secrets about what actually happened.



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