Wesleyan’s Area 51 Conspiracies

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Since the dawn of 1963, Wesleyan School has been home to thousands of students who have looked deeper into the depths of the institution. The conspiracies that have been passed down from generation to generation are not only lingering but are developing into newfangled ideas and plans to discover the truth of the legends Wesleyan has attempted to deny.

The mysterious brick outside of Wesley Hall is one step closer to proving that middle school language teacher, Dr. Pat McCoy, is part of the Central Intelligence Agency. In fact, when Dean of Students Joseph Koch was confronted about the mysterious brick, he deniably said, “I have no clue what you are talking about.” Eighth grader and investigator Lindsay Godard said, “I think it’s where Dr. McCoy’s secret office is held, and she does all of her CIA spying from inside. Why else would she have a window facing just bricks? It’s actually a door to her office, and a passageway to all the other teachers’ classrooms.”

Much like Godard, other middle schoolers have discovered the haunting hallow brick and created other theories about its mysterious attributes. Detective and eighth grader Sarah Lim stated that, “Mr. Young (previous headmaster and lawn perfectionist) is beneath the bricks, and when it’s late at night, he comes out of the ground and clips the grass, picks up stray leaves, and tidies up the campus.” However, older conspiracies about Young tie directly to the recent one stated by Lim.

Young has been famous for his world-renowned grass and campus maintenance back during his headmastership.  Even still, current Wesleyan students report seeing him back on campus during sporting events with his golden scissors. Junior Tabitha Conrad said, “I could have sworn I saw Mr. Young this past football season with his scissors. I was finishing cleaning up after a football game and I noticed someone on the edge of the field. He was bent down next to the corner of the field with shining scissors trimming the edges; it had to be Mr. Young.”

The question of where his underground tunnels are in legend. Students have yet to discover where and when he comes out of his tunnels, with the golden scissors. Young resembles attributes much like goddess “Ta-Fiti” from the blockbuster movie “Moana”, whatever he touches turns green and lush. He sees debris in the grass in the trees, and as he might say, “It calls me.”

After investigating the library’s reference section for almost the entire summer before the 2017-2018 school year, English teacher Dawson Zimmerman created a theory of his own. “Legend says that in the reference section of the library, there are secret codes in corners of the books that will lead you to a secret society of monks in black robes. The monk-like people are past students that found the hidden clues and are sworn to secrecy,” said Zimmerman. Though no students known have tried to crack the reference section code yet, the monks of secrecy are waiting for the next Wesleyan genius who can figure out the configuration in the books.

Though the past conspiracies of Wesleyan still linger in the hallways of Wesley and Cleghorn, new theories are brewing every day from students and faculty alike. However, who will finally reveal the secrets of Wesleyan? Who will find the truth in the mystery? The legends remain; in the bricks.

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