Wesleyan will soon set aside its original green and gold colors and embody the iconic red, white and blue. The countdown for homecoming has already begun, and this year’s theme is the most patriotic of them all: America.
“There’s a hundred and four days of summer vacation/ ‘Till school comes along just to end it/So the annual problem for our generation/ Is finding a good way to spend it…”
Newlywed and new, full-time teacher Mrs. Alexander was eager to prove herself a part of the Wesleyan community. So this past summer, she embarked on the most dangerous mission of her entire life. In fact, right after getting married, Mrs. Alexander skipped her honeymoon and used that money to purchase 500 buckets of green food coloring. Why, you may ask? Well, little did we know she was scheming something big, something no one had ever seen before. She wanted to turn the diving pool at the Rio Olympics green—in honor of the Wolves of course. During the Rio Olympics, Mrs. Alexander—disguised as a coach named Coach Brad—proceeded to dump all 500 buckets of green food coloring into the pool. How she got away with it, no one will ever know.
Many are aware of Ms. Bufton’s extraordinary double life, Spanish teacher by day, CrossFit queen by night (or on the weekends depending on how busy her schedule is). But, it may come as a surprise to many that Ms. Bufton is actually an Olympic gold medalist! Back handsprings and double layouts are second nature for this Wesleyan teacher. In fact, some students claim they’ve seen her sport some of her fancy moves right here on campus! However, to protect her identity as an accomplished gymnast she often goes by the name Balex Aufton.
Mr. Cleveland’s summer was filled with endless excitement as he worked as an Olympic Lifeguard. He sure had his work cut out for him as he constantly had to save the drowning Olympians. I heard he even had to save Michael Phelps during warm ups once, because his goggles fell off (and nobody can swim without their goggles). After each of Cleveland’s shifts he would sleep for hours and drink plenty of Red Bull and 5 Hour Energy to make sure he never dozed off when he was on guard.
What started off as the most talked about underdog story of Rio, ended in sheer embarrassment. After months of practice and hours of training, the spotlight was on Mr. Krehmeyer during the preliminary rounds of the diving competition at the Rio Olympics this summer. With no formal training whatsoever, Krehmeyer proved that his amateur skills could rival the best. As he stepped up to the diving board and prepared for his dismount, all he could think about was that gold medal. It was so close he could practically taste it. Unfortunately, Mr. Krehmeyer did not achieve his Olympic dreams that day. As his back flopped against the water, his dreams were shattered. With a grand total of zero points, he was unable to advance to the next round. But this isn’t the end, Krehmeyer plans to practice even harder over the next four years with his eyes set on Tokyo.