- They deal with real life issues: The Kardashians are one of the most relatable families in America. They constantly deal with issues that typical Americans face. When Kendall and Kylie steal from Kris’s closet, she does the logical thing and puts a padlock on it, while requiring them to check out clothes. Also, Scott Disick faces the typical decision of whether or not to put a helicopter pad in his backyard. All of these decisions are typically experienced be the average American.
- They have the most entertaining TV show: If you have not watched Keeping Up with the Kardashians, then you must be living under a rock. This show provides the most entertaining look into the life of the most beloved family in American history. The constant bickering and complaining of the most mundane events is just pure entertainment. Who would not want to watch mindless entertainment for an hour?
- They are very frugal with their money: Kylie Jenner is 18-years-old and owns a mansion worth $2.7 million. I mean, every 18-year-old would spend that much on a house. Back in 2014, Scott and Kourtney purchased a house next to Justin Bieber for $8.495 million. Most parents spend that much money and consider it to be smart. The so-called gift bags at Kylie Jenner’s sweet 16 party cost $1,000 each, and there were over 150 guests there. Now that’s being frugal with your money.
- They constantly keep us entertained in headlines: Let’s face it America, the Kardashians are headline news about once a week. From their purchases, to Kylie and Tyga’s relationship, the Kardashians keep us entertained. Magazine companies who put them on the front page, owe a lot of their success to those stories. As of November of 2015, there is now a new app that allows you to block all news in which the Kardashians are mentioned. That’s when you know they dominate the news. The Kylie Jenner lip challenge, the $2 million Gatsby themed 60th birthday of Kris and the Khloe pie lie are all examples of headlines that keep readers hooked.
- All their relationships are models for our own: Kim Kardashian is a model for how people should have relationships. Her 72 day marriage to Kris Humphries should show the women of America how marriage works. Kourtney and Scott’s catastrophic relationship really sets the tone for the average American relationship. They show that you should constantly argue about the most absurd things.
5. Library water fountain: This is the only water fountain on the list in Wesley Hall. The Library is one of the more underappreciated establishments of the school. This water fountain is almost always vacant and is just the right amount of water at a time. It also happens to be across from both genders’ bathrooms which makes it a hot commodity to the students.
4. Senior Hallway water fountain: The Foreign Language Department and the seniors have a wonderful treat of cool and refreshing cold water located just outside of the men’s restroom. Located just like 30 paces from the Junior/Senior lounge the water fountain is not a burden to walk to. In terms of actual distance the water fountain is almost dead center in the middle of the hallway.
On Monday Nov. 9th, the Wesleyan water pipes were cracked allowing mud and other natural elements to enter the Wesleyan water stream. The students were told that local contractors working on campus accidentally busted it, but there are a number of valid theories that have surfaced over the last few weeks. After carefully investigating the claims, the Green & Gold has selected the most practical conspiracies. Which one do you readers believe?
Mr. Cleveland and Mr. McDaniel
Mr. Cleveland and Mr. McDaniel are two of the most beloved faculty members in the school. Mr. Cleveland had begun to sense some negative morale around the school. Calling up his good friend Mr. McDaniel, Mr. Cleveland hatched an idea. He wanted to have the Wesleyan students take a day off. Mr. McDaniel could not pass up the opportunity to make “the call,” and quickly agreed. Thus, the plan was hatched, and the water pipes were tampered with.
The School Store Theory
The Wesleyan School Store has been one of the most positive changes to the Wesleyan community this year. The school store has been very profitable, but they were losing business to the water fountains found in each hallway. The moms of the School Store decided they needed to cripple the competition for a week. During a lull in customer attendance, some of the moms snuck up and made a deal with the contractors to tamper with the pipes. This plan was successful as the water fountains were broken.
The Birthday Theory
There are a number of Wesleyan members with birthdays on Nov. 10. Caroline Hodges, Taylor Berg, Mr. Custer and Mrs. Goddard all have birthdays on Nov. 10. They decided there was absolutely no way they were going to come to school on that day. During lunch these four were never found, and they came up with a way to get the pipes to burst. Fallout 4 also came out on Nov. 10 much to Taylor’s pleasure.
The Calcium Deficiency
A number of students have a calcium deficiency and needed a cheap way to nourish it. These unnamed students (Ben Buckley and Grant Sauer) decided to mix milk into the water fountains. They snuck up on Nov 9 during their free period and poured milk into the water stream. The next few days they would drink the lovely water/milk combination, and slowly their calcium deficiency began to go away.
*The Backpage is a work of fiction and does not accurately portray the actual favorite costumes of these teachers.