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Wesleyan Water Pipe Scandal: Who Did It?

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On Monday Nov. 9th, the Wesleyan water pipes were cracked allowing mud and other natural elements to enter the Wesleyan water stream. The students were told that local contractors working on campus accidentally busted it, but there are a number of valid theories that have surfaced over the last few weeks. After carefully investigating the claims, the Green & Gold has selected the most practical conspiracies. Which one do you readers believe?

Mr. Cleveland and Mr. McDaniel

Mr. Cleveland and Mr. McDaniel are two of the most beloved faculty members in the school. Mr. Cleveland had begun to sense some negative morale around the school. Calling up his good friend Mr. McDaniel, Mr. Cleveland hatched an idea. He wanted to have the Wesleyan students take a day off. Mr. McDaniel could not pass up the opportunity to make “the call,” and quickly agreed. Thus, the plan was hatched, and the water pipes were tampered with.

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The School Store Theory

The Wesleyan School Store has been one of the most positive changes to the Wesleyan community this year. The school store has been very profitable, but they were losing business to the water fountains found in each hallway. The moms of the School Store decided they needed to cripple the competition for a week. During a lull in customer attendance, some of the moms snuck up and made a deal with the contractors to tamper with the pipes. This plan was successful as the water fountains were broken.

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The Birthday Theory

There are a number of Wesleyan members with birthdays on Nov. 10. Caroline Hodges, Taylor Berg, Mr. Custer and Mrs. Goddard all have birthdays on Nov. 10. They decided there was absolutely no way they were going to come to school on that day. During lunch these four were never found, and they came up with a way to get the pipes to burst. Fallout 4 also came out on Nov. 10 much to Taylor’s pleasure.

fallout 4 taylor

The Calcium Deficiency

A number of students have a calcium deficiency and needed a cheap way to nourish it. These unnamed students (Ben Buckley and Grant Sauer) decided to mix milk into the water fountains. They snuck up on Nov 9 during their free period and poured milk into the water stream. The next few days they would drink the lovely water/milk combination, and slowly their calcium deficiency began to go away.

A uncovered pipeline construction site with sand around it

Wesleyan Teachers Rock Their Favorite Childhood Halloween Costumes

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Mr. Cole- Mr. Cole’s favorite Halloween costume is the purple Teletubby, Tiny Winky. This is Mr. Cole’s favorite character. Mr. Cole was older when the show premiered in 1997, but was and is still an avid fan. He loves the color purple, and thought Tinky Winky was the best of the teletubbies because of his name.
Mr. Cole- Mr. Cole’s favorite Halloween costume is the purple Teletubby, Tiny Winky. This is Mr. Cole’s favorite character. Mr. Cole was older when the show premiered in 1997, but was and is still an avid fan. He loves the color purple, and thought Tinky Winky was the best of the teletubbies because of his name.
Ms. Kozlova- Ms. Kozlova’s favorite Halloween costume is Ms. Piggy from the Muppett’s. Ms, K believes that her attitude and personality coincide with Ms. Piggy’s. Ms. Kozlova also considers Ms. Piggy a role model. She believed that her destiny was to be as famous as Ms. Piggy.
Ms. Kozlova- Ms. Kozlova’s favorite Halloween costume is Ms. Piggy from the Muppett’s. Ms, K believes that her attitude and personality coincide with Ms. Piggy’s. Ms. Kozlova also considers Ms. Piggy a role model. She believed that her destiny was to be as famous as Ms. Piggy.
Mrs. Shupert- Mrs. Shupert’s favorite Halloween costume is Blossom the orange haired powderpuff girl. Mrs. Shupert thought Blossom was the greatest of the powderpuff’s girl because of her intellect. She is also considered the self-proclaimed leader of the powderpuff girls similar to Mrs. Shupert’s role as the self-proclaimed leader of the school.
Mrs. Shupert- Mrs. Shupert’s favorite Halloween costume is Blossom the orange haired powderpuff girl. Mrs. Shupert thought Blossom was the greatest of the powderpuff’s girl because of her intellect. She is also considered the self-proclaimed leader of the powderpuff girls similar to Mrs. Shupert’s role as the self-proclaimed leader of the school.
Mr. Zimmerman- Mr. Zimmerman’s favorite Halloween costume is Barney, the purple dinosaur. When the show premiered in 1992, Mr. Zimmerman was merely a young toddler. He was an avid fan of the “I Love You” theme song, and you should stop by his room to hear him sing it.
Mr. Zimmerman- Mr. Zimmerman’s favorite Halloween costume is Barney, the purple dinosaur. When the show premiered in 1992, Mr. Zimmerman was merely a young toddler. He was an avid fan of the “I Love You” theme song, and you should stop by his room to hear him sing it.

*The Backpage is a work of fiction and does not accurately portray the actual favorite costumes of these teachers.

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