He Said:
by Will Harper
Frankfurter, Volkswagen, gummy bear, Autobahn, mythology, Bach, Beethoven, twisty pretzel, sausage, Birkenstock- these are a few of my favorite things- all of which happen to have originated in the great land of Germany. Pardon my “Sound of Music” reference. That epic film is actually set in Austria, but what is the difference? Germany has produced an abundance of cool people, food, inventions and other stuff, but there is one product of this magical place that stands far above the rest. Birkenstocks are the greatest things ever invented.
I do not even know what dumb shoes Emma is defending, but I promise Birkenstocks are superior in every way. These German feats of engineering are perfect for running, jumping, skipping, walking, galloping, karaoke, frolicking, dancing and anything else that anyone could ever do. Some of them are actually pretty ugly, but it is not always about looking the best. Regardless of how “stylish” they are, Birkenstocks undoubtedly make a fashion statement that is nothing short of heroic. Our president Barack Obama says, “I love Birkenstocks, and they are amazing.”** How could anyone ever disagree with the president? **not a real quote
Birkenstocks have been endorsed by a host of other celebrities too. For example, a quick google search would yield images of Usher, Ashton Kutcher, Heidi Klum, Ellie Hall, Camille High and Jesus all wearing these handsome foot coverings. Even the Oscar-less Leonardo DiCaprio has been known to sport some stocks every once in a while. The infamous plank that kept Rose alive but perplexingly did not have room for Jack at the end of “Titanic” was actually just a Birkenstock flipped upside down.
I received my first pair of stocks at the ripe age of 10. I wore them every day and slept in them until they bore a scent more foul than the areas of the freshman hallway surrounding Dr. G’s room during pig dissection. It wasn’t until my 17th birthday that I finally got a new pair. Emma was furious. She sub-tweeted about me, but I used my new sandals to block out the haters. I could go on for days about all the great features of my Birkenstocks, but one basic principal of good “He Said; She Said” writing is to ensure that the articles are similar in length. That being said, I need to wrap things up because Emma will not have much to say about her lame shoes. Birkenstocks are perfect, and it is just silly to try and compare them to any other shoes.
She Said:
by Emma Parrish
Let me get this straight, this is in no way a “He said; She said” worth arguing over because it is evident that I will win. For starters, Birkenstocks are the most hideous “fad” to ever come back in style. Who remembers wearing those awful-clog shoes when they were 8? My point exactly, you were a child who did not have a sense of fashion. Now a days, you see teenage girls all over the Atlanta area wearing these hideous-sandal, style Birkenstocks. They all say that they are “comfortable”, but I would take fashion over comfort any day. A fashion blogger even said in a review that, “They’re not sleek and beautiful by any means.” By owning Birkenstocks, you are taking a major risk in your friendships because there is a high possibility that someone will disapprove. I will never forget the day Will made the horrible decision to get Birkenstocks for his 17th birthday, I have not spoken to him since.
Everyone has seemed to have fallen into this trend simply because “everyone else is wearing them.” Well if everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you? No, I did not think so. Celebrities have a huge influence on the youth in America. Recently, pictures have surfaced of them wearing Birkenstocks in the tabloids. I believe that celebrities should use their fame to influence teenagers in a positive way, not making them think wearing obnoxious shoes in our society is okay. It is also concerning how attached some people have become to their so called “birks.” They think that it is okay to wear these atrocious, casual things with any outfit, during any season, now that is a fashion foe. It’s like wearing flip flops in the winter, it makes no logical sense. The worst part about it is that it comes in a variety of colors. Now I can somewhat handle the classic brown style but when I saw Jordi Fietz wearing yellow Birkenstocks, I nearly fainted. Birkenstocks are not cheap either. You are basically paying $100 to embarrass yourself. This money could easily go to something worthwhile like fighting world hunger or towards your college fund. Birkenstocks have already gone out of style at one point so it will not be too long before you start to see them slowly fade away again. The day I can walk through a store and never have to look at a pair of Birkenstocks again will be one of the best days of my life.
