Baseball – Will Harper
Babe Ruth once said, “I swing with everything I’ve got. I hit big or I miss big. I like to live as big as I can.” I too like to live as big as I can, Babe. That is why I love baseball and hate soccer. Baseball is the greatest game of all time, but it is so much more than that. Baseball is one of the three major facets of American culture. The other two are hot dogs and beer, both of which are essential parts of baseball. Everything about baseball just oozes greatness. Comparing baseball to soccer is like comparing Tupac to Al Yankovic. Baseball is widely considered the greatest of all time, while soccer is just silly.
Conceptually, soccer is easily the least sophisticated sport ever. Kick the ball into the goal; that’s pretty much it. Some would say that simplicity is what makes soccer beautiful. I say that is bologna. Soccer is boring and easy. Perhaps you’re reading this thinking, “Wow, Will is really offending a lot of soccer players and fans right now.” That is probably true, but I’m totally ok with that because I wouldn’t want to be friends with a lame soccer player or fan anyway. I want my friends to like real sports, like baseball. It is also irritating that people try and call soccer football. Football is the name of a real sport involving real athletes who play with a leather prolate spheroid. In case you are an unsophisticated soccer player, prolate spheroid refers to the shape of an American football.
That’s enough about soccer. Time to talk about something worthwhile. Baseball’s value extends far beyond entertainment. Of course it is fun to play and watch, and that will always be the most important thing, but baseball is significant in so many other ways. The world’s greatest game is beneficial economically, politically, socially, spiritually, militarily and any other ily or ally you can think of. Doctors say that watching baseball makes everyone happier no matter what. There’s nothing better than sunflower seeds, peanuts and frozen lemonade in a stadium packed with all kinds of different people all united by the common bond of baseball. Even without the wonderful intricacies of the game, baseball reigns supreme over all other athletic endeavors. Ellie will probably be talking a lot of trash about me in her article. That is just a clear indicator that she doesn’t have enough to say about why soccer is superior, so she had to turn to bashing a fellow writer just to produce adequate content. The bottom line is that baseball is, always has been and always will be king, and soccer is just what four-year-olds play at the YMCA until they turn five and realize how dumb it is. Thank you.
Soccer – Ellie Hall
The difference between soccer and baseball is that soccer is “the beautiful game” and baseball is just the game, if that. I respect baseball and the skill it takes to be successful in the game, but let’s be honest, it is rather boring. Baseball is entertaining for maybe 45 minutes, but the average game lasts around two hours; the only entertaining part is at the end, so you have to sit through the whole game to get to the good part. Also, for stir-crazy people, like me, baseball can be somewhat tortuous because there is little excitement involved in the sport. In addition, the most annoying thing about baseball is the players are almost always super boastful about it when most all of the other spring sports are much more physically demanding. Baseball is just a “sport” for a bunch of ninnies who are too lazy to play an actual sport that requires you to be in shape. Baseball players only have to run 90 feet to each base where they then get to rest until they have to run again. Wow, how interesting! That was sarcasm, if you couldn’t already tell. Senior, Grant Sauer used to play baseball but quit to play soccer. When asked why he did this he said, “Because I wanted to be an athlete.” That pretty much sums it up. I could say more about baseball, but I know all of the baseball players will not too happy about this, so I will move on to explain how truly amazing soccer is.
Soccer is no doubt the best sport ever created. There is a reason why it is the most popular sport in the world. It is fun to play, fun to watch, and fun to coach. It may not be a high-scoring game, but for that reason, it keeps you engaged and gets you hyped every time a goal is scored. In addition, many uneducated people, like Will Harper, claim that soccer does not require any thinking and that it is boring to watch. These people clearly just do not understand the game because if they did, they would know that soccer players must always be aware of their surroundings and be able to react to any situation that could occur. Also, people who say this clearly just have not gotten off the couch long enough to play a game of soccer, and that is why they do not understand it. Also, I think it is important to take into consideration some of the famous soccer players that the world loves. For example, there is David Beckham, Cristiano Ronaldo, Alex Morgan, Mia Hamm, etc. I would also like to add that many people who claim that they do not like to watch soccer, sure did hop on the bandwagon during the 2014 Men’s World Cup. Also, it would not be wise of you readers to listen to whatever rubbish Mr. Harper has to say because he has never played high school soccer or baseball, so he obviously does not know what he is talking about. In addition, he calls soccer boring, but he plays golf. Enough said.